Do you ever notice that? When you’re sat in meetings on more
or less any subject, the people sat round the table always seem to have plenty
of opinions, often expressed with the certainty of fact, but very few have a
lot of questions to ask.
I wonder why that is. In all circumstances in life where
groups of people are trying collectively to reach a correct decision, the
process is always question and answer based. Courtroom trials are based
exclusively on questions and answers, as are committee hearings, enquiries and
tribunals.
Asking questions is not just a practical necessity, it’s
also a basic human courtesy. It’s the foundation of human interaction, for
strangers as much as for old friends.
Do you come here often?
What team do you support? How are Mary
and the kids?
Virtually all conversations are question and answer led, until you’re in a meeting room with eight of your colleagues. Then suddenly
everyone seems far more interested in asserting their own opinion than they are
in soliciting someone else’s.
Why do we indulge this? The most awful people we meet
socially are those who never ask questions. You know the type. You’re at the
pub and every time a line of conversation emerges, this person can only reference
it in some way back to themselves. They are not interested in taking in, only
in giving out.
“I’m very excited, I’m going to Tunisia
next month.”
“I
went to Tunisia last year.”
“I just got a text from my friend,
she’s living in London at the moment.”
“When
I was living in London I found the weather was just too much.”
It’s easy to do. Relating things back to personal experience
is natural, but it’s also intrinsically selfish and a real social turn off. How
much better is it to ask questions? Imagine if the same person answered each
statement with a question…
“I’m very excited, I’m going to Tunisia
next month.”
“Really?
Why did you choose Tunisia?”
“I just got a text from my friend,
she’s living in London at the moment.”
“Where
abouts is she staying?”
A person who asks questions is immediately more likable and will ultimately accomplish more. Asking
questions makes the person you’re talking to feel like you’re interested and it
gives you more information. When it comes to business, information is almost
always useful in making progress and problem solving.
We all need
to ask more questions and listen to the answers. There is a danger that you're asking less questions than you actually think you are. Paying close attention to how you behave, and whether you're a listener or a talker is very important. As an old poker-playing friend of mine says, if you look round the table and you can't see who the loser is, then it's you.
What do you think?
Trevor Burne is Managing Director of Talascend. He blogs about Australian engineering jobs, and issues affecting Australian Engineers.
What do you think?
Trevor Burne is Managing Director of Talascend. He blogs about Australian engineering jobs, and issues affecting Australian Engineers.
